OPEN THREAD 20200414

This is the daily OPEN THREAD for today.

Our purpose is the utter destruction of the criminal CCP.

Anything can be posted on this thread – we have free speech.

That said, everybody else does, too.

And we do have a rule.

Don’t get in front of our weapons.

W

17 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200414

  1. A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
    around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
    aircraft’s navigation and communications equipment.

    Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
    helicopter’s position and course to get back to the airport.

    The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it,
    the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading,
    “WHERE AM I?”, and hold it up for the building’s occupants to
    see.

    People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
    large sign, and held it in a building window.

    Their sign said, “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

    The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
    course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

    After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how
    the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their
    position.

    The pilot responded, “I knew that had to be the Microsoft
    support building, they gave me a technically correct but
    entirely useless answer.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bill Gates dies and goes to St Peter…. St Peter is embarrassed.

    “I don’t know what to do with you, Bill … you put a PC in every household … on the other hand you made Windows Vista. So I tell you what … just chose between heaven and hell.”

    Bill goes, “Really, I can chose?” “Yes, pick one,” Peter says. Bill, who is very professional: “Ok, can I visit both before deciding?” “Ok, just go on. What do you want to start with?”

    Bill: “… why not start with hell?” And then they both went to hell. The place looked magnificent! Great beaches, plenty of sun and happy, naked women everywhere, smiling at Bill. “That looks wonderful,” Bill says. “Now, how about heaven?”

    They both, then, went to heaven. Magnificent; great beaches; plenty sun; just no naked women…..

    “Ok,” Bill says, “I pick hell, then.”

    After a week, St Peter decided to visit Bill who was sent to Hell The poor guy was on the floor, screaming, scratching the ground with his nails. He shouted at St Peter: “No no no! I Can’t stand it no more!”

    “What’s wrong” St Peter asked?

    Bill wails, “I don’t understand, there is nothing to do with what I saw the first time! Where is the beach? The naked women?”

    And St Peter replies: “That was just a demo.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Alternative punch line…
      Bill is still in a tormented state but he asks the devil why nothing is as it seemed before deciding which to choose.

      The devil smiles and says, “well before, you were a prospect… and now, you are a customer!”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Too short, and way too short…..

    ***************************************

    The box said “Requires Windows 7 or better.” So I installed Linux.

    ***************************************

    Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

    ***************************************

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

    ***************************************

    What’s the difference between a virus and Windows Vista? Viruses rarely fail.

    ***************************************

    It’s all very logical —

    Macs are for those who don’t want to know why their computer works.

    Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.

    DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn’t work.

    Windows is for those who don’t want to know why their computer doesn’t work.

    ****************************************

    Companies are to Cloud Computing as Teenagers are to Sex:

    1. Everybody’s thinking about it.

    2. Everybody thinks everyone else is doing it more than they really are.

    3. Those who have done it hope it’s better the second time.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Three beggars are begging in Metropolis …

    The first one wrote “beg” on his broken steel cup. After one day he had received ten bucks.

    The second one wrote “beg.com” on his cup. After one day he had received hundreds of thousand of dollars. Someone even wanted to take him to NASDAQ.

    The third one wrote “eBeg” on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice-presidents to talk to him about a strategic alliance and offered him free hardware and professional consulting. Larry Ellison claimed on CNBC that eBeg uses 95% Oracle technology. i2 announced begTradeMatrix, a b2b industry portal to offer supply chain integration in the beggar. Cisco just announced that virtually all eBeg traffic runs over their equipment.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Around here, it can be very difficult to tell the difference.

        Apple built its headquarters in Cupertino — it was one of the last projects of Steve Jobs. He wanted it to transcend construction and just embody ideas. The original design was supposed to cost about a billion dollars….but they kept having real things installed and had to tear them out and do them better. When the final construction bill was added up, it came to over $5B. This is a problem in California because your property taxes are based on what you pay for something (typically about 1.25% per year, forever). The county assessor ruled that any sane construction management would have only cost $1B, so that should be its taxed value.

        One of the recurring cost issues was its immense and sweeping glass walls, doors, and partitions. To embody the ideal, they needed to be exceptionally transparent — essentially invisible. Which lead to people walking into them — https://www.sfchronicle.com/business/article/Apple-Park-Transcript-of-911-calls-about-12723602.php .

        Everything in this comment is real, not invented as a joke.

        Liked by 3 people

    1. They’re both owned by Automattic. If you self-host WordPress, you could plug-in something else to filter comments; if you use a different posting system, you can use Akismet….but they’re each the default for the other.

      Liked by 1 person

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