OPEN THREAD 20200318

Basically, all legal free speech is allowed. We will assist the authorities in dealing with illegal speech. You are each other’s moderators. Have fun. And don’t forget to MAGA at nuclear levels.

After going through the elements, we now enjoy a sequence of RANDOM somewhat pseudo-random topics that will be thrown out for investigation and commentary on each open thread. At some point, in a way something like composite numbers, I will accidentally hit a second occurrence of one of them – that’s just normal.

Have fun!

Citizen U

(a.k.a. W on the OTHER site)

Day 133 – polydactyly

19 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200318

  1. Polydactyly is the property of having extra fingers and/or toes, generally for hereditary reasons. It’s not exclusively human — Hemingway (the author) famously made his home on Key West welcome for polydactyl cats (considered lucky by sailors) and his House currently has 40-50 on its premises [ ].

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  2. In humans, extra fingers or toes can be just another one, they can be partial, or they can be disassociated — lacking parts of sensation or independent movement. In the latter case, they are frequently removed through surgery — although this can be very complicated in that the non-functional digit may have a better attachment to the hand than the supposedly functional (but weak) digit. A surgeon will frequently attempt to leave the patient with the best parts of both.

    Extra digits can occur on one limb — Halle Berry has an extra toe on her left foot; Drew Carey has an extra toe on his right. They can be symmetric. Or they can occur on all four limbs.

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  3. One of the things about polydactyly is that it gets people thinking about the structure of general grasping appendages. An opposable thumb seems important…..why do we only have one per hand, and on one side? Why is most of our motor control in our index finger and most of our grasping strength in the index, middle, and ring finger? What good is a pinkie at all? Shouldn’t there be a second opposable thumb where a pinkie is? How do the fingers on both hands work together?

    Science-fiction has always been ga-ga about the subject. Bipedal aliens have all sorts of arm and hand arrangements, including the famous “gripping hand” of Moties (they have three — two manipulating hands on one side and the gripping hand on the other).

    And the intertubez is full of things like, “do six-fingered people enjoy playing piano?” — it is an abnormality that is not automatically assumed to be an affliction.

    Further, people so recognize the linkage between hand and mind, there are always questions like, “if everyone had six fingers, would we be doing arithmetic in base 12?”

    Liked by 3 people

  4. How To Give a Cat a Pill

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by feline. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    9. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

    10. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    11. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    12. Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

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  5. Too short to count as a necessary comment…..

    A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at an abandoned place. After one hour he gets a phone call from his wife: “The cat is back.”

    The man growls: “Ok, can you put her on, I got lost and need directions.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

    Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

    “My goldfish died”, replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

    The neighbor was concerned:

    “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

    Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied:

    “That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat.”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. One day a fellow came into the bar with a cat, not just any cat, but a mean-looking ginger tom. You could see the scars from across the room. But that wasn’t the weirdest thing; a six-foot ostrich – eyes like golf balls, followed them in – a real live ostrich!

    I asked the man what he wanted.

    “I’ll have a pint of bitter,” he said. “A pint of lager for the ostrich and a gin and tonic for the cat.” The cat hissed at him. “Make that a double gin and tonic. Thanks.”

    Well, I served the drinks, he paid, and they all knocked ’em back.

    Wasn’t long before the ostrich came back to the bar, and made it clear that it wanted the same again.

    Well, I poured them.

    I could feel the cat’s eyes burning through me as if he was checking that he got his double again.

    I took the drinks over to them, and the man paid, taking the cash from a purse tied around the ostrich’s neck.

    This went on for a couple of hours. The man and the ostrich buying alternate rounds, while the cat just sat on the window shelf with his drink, looking fit to kill. The whole place got quiet. People sat and stared, and who could blame them?

    Eventually, I plucked up the courage to ask the fellow just what was going on.

    “Can’t a man have a quiet drink anymore?” he rasped.

    So I said, “No harm meant, but you’ve got to admit that you’re a unique set of drinkers.”

    He smiled, but there was no light in that smile. “Okay, you want to know? I’ll tell you. I was across town the other week, working on the new road. Amid the dirt and the rubble, I turned up this old brass lamp. I rubbed it, thinking there might be a date or inscription or something. Anyway, out comes this cloud of smoke and a Genie appeared. You know – turban, scimitar, and the whole works. And he tells me I’ve got just one wish.”

    “And, before you ask — yes, I did wish for a long-legged bird with a tight pussy. But this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat.

    “What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.”

    The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.

    “I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!”

    The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

    Liked by 2 people

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