OPEN THREAD 20200314

Basically, all legal free speech is allowed. We will assist the authorities in dealing with illegal speech. You are each other’s moderators. Have fun. And don’t forget to MAGA at nuclear levels.

After going through the elements, we now enjoy a sequence of RANDOM somewhat pseudo-random topics that will be thrown out for investigation and commentary on each open thread. At some point, in a way something like composite numbers, I will accidentally hit a second occurrence of one of them – that’s just normal.

Have fun!

Citizen U

(a.k.a. W on the OTHER site)

Day 129 – Albert Einstein

14 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200314

  1. When I was a kid, I did the book-of-the-month club, and one of the premiums I got for signing-up was this YUUUUGE biography of Einstein……may have been a thousand pages, hardback.

    The author had done his homework — tracked down grade-school chums and teachers, had report cards when he was 12, just amazing amounts of background trivia.

    But though it tracked the outward Einstein in great, great detail… never caught “the twinkle in his eye” that animated it all.

    I was a great admirer of Einstein’s before I read the book, and I was a great admirer of Einstein after I read the book — but I was far less of an admirer of biographies afterward.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Incidentally, if you ever have a brain fart and accidentally type “alfred einstein” — there is a well-known one. He wrote several books on music theory and produced the first major revision of the definitive list of the works of Mozart. So if you’re ever whipping up a footnote on gravitational lensing and realize that one of your open tabs references madrigals or the works of Mozart, now you’ll know why.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. A woman decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

    After they are seated, a passing waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” Dave replies, “She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says: “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

    As she is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book the cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”


    Y’know, there’s something a little contrived and unbelievable about that joke, but I believe I can fix it. Just change every “Dave” to “Hunter”.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled and said “Hello” to him.

    He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be talking to him and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from.

    So he says, “I’m sorry. Do you know me?”

    She replies, “I may be mistaken but I think you might be the father of one of my children.”

    His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.

    “Holy crap!” he says, “are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my behind?”

    “No” she replies.

    “I’m your son’s teacher.”

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Darnit!

        It’s supposed to be Piano Sonata 11 in A major. 14:28 long. Let’s see what we get.

        It was right around that time that the accumulated garbage in Firefox had me reset it. I did a version update without closing it, so the old shell of the browser was trying to continue using a combination of cache and reloading linked routines out of the new version’s libraries.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. An honest man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

    The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him.

    As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

    After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.”

    Liked by 2 people

  6. …..and a bonus for Caturday….

    A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. “What are you?” asks the cat.

    “A gnome,” comes the reply. “I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?”

    The cat replies, “Um, I’m a gnome….”

    Liked by 2 people

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