OPEN THREAD 20200422

This is the daily OPEN THREAD for today.

Our purpose is the utter destruction of the criminal CCP.

Anything can be posted on this thread – we have free speech.

That said, everybody else does, too.

And we do have a rule.

Don’t get in front of our weapons.

W

15 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200422

  1. A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: “Do you serve lawyers here?”

    “Sure.”

    “Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OK, that last was too short to count, so…..

    A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey replies, “smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”

    So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.

    At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

    He then asks the lizard, “what’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

    The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and shouts, “hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says, “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

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    1. OK,

      I am going to counter with a TRUE story.

      The guy across the street has a Donkey Jack. A friend who has bad epilepsy smokes to keep it under control. (Nothing else works.) This guy has a way with animals who all seem to like him. So the guy goes out into the pasture sits down on stump to smoke a joint. The donkey mosey’s up and the guy blows the smoke into the donkey’s nostrils.

      Well the farmer comes out and is shocked to see this guy and the donkey sitting on stumps sharing a joint.

      And no this is NOT a tall tale, it is just that everyone was so shock to see the donkey sitting on a stump like a human they did not take photos. Horses and donkeys do not sit unless taught as a trick.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Peter Garrett, the vocalist, has a long association with leftist politics — including a nine year stint as an MP in Australia’s Parliament, much of which as the government minister for “Environment, Heritage, and the Arts”.

      In the song, “Beds Are Burning”, he goes on about how the land of Australia rightfully belongs to Australian aborigines — “it belongs to them, let’s give it back.” In that, he subscribes to a widespread logical fallacy that has noble explorers moving into uncharted frontiers until the entire planet is occupied. The Iroquois were natural explorers that cast their way across the wilderness until they found their natural habitat in New York/Pennsylvania and various adjacent lands. Modern Iberians wandered hither and yon until they found their “forever home” in Spain and Portugal. Han Chinese were a people in search of a homeland until they settled along the Yellow River.

      And as you start to prick at this myth, it starts to fray. People generally lived in reasonably hospitable areas until forced to move. “Stay and starve or move and maybe live” is a good motivator. So is, “stay and be slaves, or move past the range of the slavers.” Humans evolved in Africa…..and it’s a good bet that the more successful groups during this evolution stayed put. Human cultural evolution and racial evolution was primarily waves of expulsions to the periphery……followed by outlying groups, such as the huns, forcing their way back into the center.

      The notion that Australian aborigines chose their land 75,000 years ago is a crock. They were shoved out onto the backside of nowhere by Eurasian and African forces and isolated, with the venomous snakes and spiders, beyond the crocs and sharks. Many of them would probably give their all — and many likely did — to have stayed in “civilization”. To the extent that the land “belongs to them” because it’s where they ended up is a fallacy.

      That’s not to say that all bonds to a land should be discounted. Two hundred generations of internment is a heckuva reason to respect a cemetery. Two hundred generations of worship should certainly consecrate a shrine. But when some organization claims that they rightfully own a successful factory because it was built on land used as a occasional summer camp by their remote ancestors and they can prove it was once used in July, 1583……that’s just theft done politely.

      The fact that the band of virtue-signalling SJW idiots are entirely of English extraction while chanting this nonsense is just icing.

      OTOH — it’s got a nice beat, and you can dance to it.

      Like

  3. A man is canoeing in the everglades….

    After spending the day exploring, things look different than he remembers when finding his way back, and he realizes he’s lost.

    To make matters worse, a large reptilian appears to be swimming under and around his boat as the sun is starting to drop.

    At his wits end, he yells, “Goddammit, I’m lost!!!”

    The animal surfaces and says, “see that island ahead? Go around the right hand side of it — if you try to go left of the island, you’ll run into shallow water and a bunch of mangrove roots — then, follow its contour until the sun is directly to your right. The correct heading will have your compass at about 285 degrees 30 minutes. 300 meters straight ahead from there, you should see your truck.”

    Frightened, the man begins paddling hard, but relies on what he’s heard, thinking he’s hallucinating and hearing his subconscious. The crocodilian follows him.

    Astoundingly, he sees his truck just as the animal pulls up next to him. Unfortunately, he’s exhausted, and hesitant to hop onto the shore for fear of becoming dinner.

    The animal surfaces and says “There you go! See your truck? Have a great night.”

    The man, now realizing that he was not hallucinating, gasps, “Thanks!….. waitaminute. I’ve lived in Florida my whole life but never seen your kind. What kind of alligator are you?”

    “You’re very welcome! I’m a Navigator”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

    One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap.

    Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?”

    “This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep.

    “Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?”

    “I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished.

    “Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles.

    The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?”
    Set responded “I never want to be poor again! I wish for money!”

    “Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!”

    “Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.”

    Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order.

    Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep.

    Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more focused on business expansion and money of the business.

    As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf.

    Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics.

    Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly.

    Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail.

    Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend.

    Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.”

    Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder.

    The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright.

    Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

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  5. Three blondes are lost in the desert. They come across a river that they have to get over, but it’s swarming with crocodiles.

    Luckily, a genie just happened to pass by on his flying carpet. He said: “Ah, you are lucky! As I have found you here, I will grant each of you one wish.”

    The first blonde wished she was an excellent swimmer. And with a snap of the genie’s fingers, her physique changed. She ran off and tried to cross the river, but the crocodiles ate her quickly.

    The second blonde had to rethink, and decided to ask for a rowing boat, as swimming wasn’t a successful option. Without hesitation a rowing boat appeared before their eyes. She got in, and began to row across. But when she was barely halfway, the crocodiles broke enough of her boat to make it sink — and she, too, was eaten.

    The third blonde had to think really hard. (Mind you, she took her time.) After a while, she exclaimed: “You know, I always wanted to try a different hair colour.” As soon as she was finished talking, her hair colour changed to brown.

    “OH!” she exclaimed. “Look over there, a bridge!”

    Like

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