OPEN THREAD 20200420

This is the daily OPEN THREAD for today.

Our purpose is the utter destruction of the criminal CCP.

Anything can be posted on this thread – we have free speech.

That said, everybody else does, too.

And we do have a rule.

Don’t get in front of our weapons.

W

18 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200420

  1. A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost of a tooth extraction.

    “85 pounds for an extraction, sir” the dentist replied.

    “85 quid! Huv ye no’got anythin’ cheaper?”

    “That’s the normal charge,” said the dentist.

    “Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?”

    “That’s unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock 15 pounds off.”

    “Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?”

    “I can’t guarantee their professionalism and it’ll be painful. But the price could drop by 20 pounds.”

    “How aboot if ye make it a trainin’ session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin’ and learnin’?”

    “It’ll be good for the students”, mulled the dentist. “I’ll charge you 5 pounds but it will be traumatic.”

    “Och, now yer talkin’ laddie! It’s a deal,” said the Scotsman. “Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?”

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  2. While walking down the street in Edinburgh one day a Member of the Scottish Parliament is tragically hit by a bus and dies.

    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around here, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.

    “No problem, just let me in,” says the MSP.

    “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

    “Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the MSP.

    “I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

    And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and blether about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the Scottish people.

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is very friendly who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the lift rises. The lift goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

    “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

    So, 24 hours pass with the MSP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    “Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

    The MSP reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

    So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the lift open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish.

    He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more rubbish falls from above.

    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder “I don’t understand,” stammers the MSP. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable. What happened?

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. ….Today you voted.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Young Donald,” said the angry father from the top of the stairs, “didn’t I just hear the clock strike four when you brought my daughter in?”

    “You did,” admitted Donald. “it was going to strike eleven, but I grabbed it and held the gong so it wouldn’t disturb you.”

    The father muttered, “why didn’t I think of that one in my courting days?”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. On the subject of quick wits and baldface lies….our plant was looking to expand, and one property we could lease had previously been used by a temperature testing company. Basically, they had rows of ovens that they put customer equipment into and ran the equipment at increasingly higher temperatures until it failed.

      So, they were doing a big presentation to a major potential client, when local marshals showed up. The company President took them inside his office (while the presentation continued outside) and the marshals explained that they had a court order to shut the place down and padlock the building for the owner — based on nonpayment of rent. Whereupon the President burst out of his office and interrupted the plant tour and presentation, telling everyone that there had been a bomb threat.

      After everyone was off the premises, the marshals padlocked the place.

      And, yes, this really happened — it’s not a joke.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

    A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn. The man notices the dog lying at the farmer’s feet and smiles at the pooch.

    “Can I talk to your dog?” The man asks. The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs.

    “Dog don’t talk, but whatever,” he replies.

    “How are you doing, dog?” The man questions.

    “Doing pretty good,” the dog answers to the utter shock of the farmer. “My master takes me on three walks a day, lets me run in the field, and feeds me every day. I have a good life here.” The man smiles. He then notices a horse who had trotted over to see what was going on.

    “Can I talk to your horse?” The man asks again. The farmer is still skeptical.

    “Horse don’t talk, but whatever,” the farmer answered again.

    “How are you doing, horse?” The man queries.

    “Doing really good!” The horse answers enthusiastically. The farmer’s jaw has gone slack. “My master feeds me every day and lets me from the stables at dawn and dusk to run and stretch my legs.” The man nods his head. He looks around and spots a sheep grazing nearby.

    “Can I talk to your sheep?” The man asks.

    “THAT SHEEP IS A FOOKIN’ LIAR!” The farmer shouts.

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  5. In the Northern Highlands, an impatient farmer knocked at the door of neighboring farmhouse. The daughter of the house answered.

    “Is your father in?”, asked the neighbor.

    “No,” said the daughter. “He’s at the Inverness farmers market. If it’s the services of the red Ayrshire bull you want, the cost is fifty pounds.”

    “No, it’s not that,” said the neighbor.

    “Well,” said the daughter, “if it’s the Galloway belted bull you want, it’s 40 pounds.”

    “No, it’s not that,” said the neighbor.

    “How about the small Highland bull?” said the daughter. “The service of that bull is only 30 pounds.”

    The neighbor rudely interrupted the daughter. “That’s not what I’ve come about. Your brother Sandy has made my daughter Fiona pregnant. My wife and I want to know what your father proposes to do about it.”

    “Oh, well,” said the daughter. “You’ll have to see my father, yourself. I don’t know what he charges for Sandy.”

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  6. It gets really interesting aroung the 8 miinute mark when he uses fungus to turn a devastated motor oil dirt pile into a green lush garden bed (general gist of it). And it gets better from there…

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    1. Soon after I bought this nice keyboard the “i” key began to misbehave. Sometimes no “i” is typed and lately, there is the double “ii” typed. All the other keys just do what they are supposed to do. Sigh.

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        1. I’ve had the same keyboard for about a decade. I liked it because it had backlit keys which are easier to see. It’s also got a nice profile and good springs under the keys. When it’s part of your work environment your whole life, you tend to want good ergonomics.

          About a year ago the key for the letter “t” popped off due to a forceful encounter with the underside of my desk while sliding the keyboard tray back. I watched videos and tried to put it back together myself but it just wasn’t cooperating. Ordered same keyboard from same supplier but new one has the fussy key for the letter “i”.

          Trying to just learn to work with what I’ve got right now. 🙂

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    2. I’m just about 5 minutes into this video, and this man appears to be insane. He is projecting the concept of sentient life onto fungi. And claiming that the Internet only exists because fungi (sentient, no doubt) created their own Internet first.

      Trying to keep an open mind, but hes starting out with a lot ‘Dawning of the Age of Aquarius’ type stuff…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When I imagine what Wolf looks like, I think of this guy! And yeah, we live in a culture where our interaction with the creation is very mechanistic.

        However, when you go our Holy Scriptures, to the writings of our early church fathers, or the stories of the saints, there is a common thread of interacting with God’s creation this way.

        Our modern dehumanizing culture could be said to have stripped us of the joy of seeing God’s imprimatur in everything in the universe.

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    3. Very interesting talk.

      I didn’t catch the part where he explained why the earth needs saving, that seemed to just be a foundational assumption.

      An assumption that crazy Leftists always seem to use in order to justify their hilariously fraudulent (corrupt, immoral, criminal) financial schemes, like ‘carbon credits’ (which he mentions at one point).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Scott, I totally agree with your reaction to his “hook” title for his talk.

        I often overlook that layer of data because I am mining for novel OBSERVATIONS and OUTCOMES.

        Maybe he really believes that we need to “save the planet” by dealing with man made pollution. He can get a little by-in from me on the general issue of pollution.

        Maybe he sees the deeper issues of industrial cultures giving no value to old growth forests and is using the “hot topics” hook to engage his listeners.

        Doesn’t really matter to me. He’s found valuable ways to “partner with” mycelium in some way that he might consider mystical and I might consider relational, but the results are measured using scientific methods that have withstood the scrutiny of peer review and independent verification.

        When he displays those growing “internets” of mycelium, I do see the morphic similarities to the various networks found in humans and other living creatures. And I also can see how humans would end up developing interconnecting computer networks that followed a similar pattern.

        A good teacher will use interesting and provoking statements to get his students to engage. Saying mycelium invented the first internet fits in that category in my mind. 🙂

        Like

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