OPEN THREAD 20200416

This is the daily OPEN THREAD for today.

Our purpose is the utter destruction of the criminal CCP.

Anything can be posted on this thread – we have free speech.

That said, everybody else does, too.

And we do have a rule.

Don’t get in front of our weapons.

W

16 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200416

  1. The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

    “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

    “Well, tell me!” the man said.

    The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

    Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: “Give me the bad news first.”

    So the policeman said: “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”

    “Oh my god!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: “What’s the good news?”

    “Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her.”

    “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr. Wilkens demanded.

    The policeman said: “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Musical Interlude #2 —

    The weird thing about the Christy Minstrels…..and, indeed, much of the “folk” from the late 50’s and earl 60’s…..is that it was completely synthetic. The Kingston Trio formed at Stanford. Creedence Clearwater Revival was singing about bayou swampwater from the backcountry of Berkeley. “This Land Is Your Land” was comprised by Woodrow Wilson Guthrie, who may have grown up in Oklahoma but was a full-blown communist in New York when he released the song.

    60’s folk hearkens back to a bygone era when psy-ops had quality, integrity, and craft. Now, they’re just shrill, incoherent, unpleasant noise.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

    The SSI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we’re in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive.”

    The NAUI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore.”

    The PADI instructor says to his students, “Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!”

    Like

  4. Dave joins the navy.

    On his first day of service, he sets off in a submarine which regularly patrols some islands which his country owns. His jobs is to clean the men’s toilets.

    Halfway through his second day, Dave’s commanding officer tells him he’s getting a new, higher paying job: Janitor duty. Now, instead of the bathrooms, Dave mops the floors, scrubs the walls, and cleans the cafeteria. (It’s small, so it’s not much.)

    At the end of his fourth day, he’s moved to cleaning the *exterior* of the sub. So Dave puts on a scuba suit the next day and gets to work.

    Finally, before lights out his sixth day, Dave’s told to work the kitchens, making food for the other soldiers until further notice. Well, he’s had enough.

    He decides to ask one of the other cooks about it the next day.

    “Hey, is it normal to have to keep switching jobs here?” Dave asks Russ, the head cook, while preparing the potatoes for the next meal.

    “Oh, of course. This sub is full of reposts. Say, are you going to the party later tonight?” Russ replies, clearly used to hearing the question from new recruits.

    “Yeah. 23.00, right?”

    “Yeah. That’s why we’re making all the extra food.”

    So they finish their day’s work and get freshen up for the party. Dave looks pretty sharp, in his own words.

    At the party, he interacts with all of the other soldiers in the sub, including a very pretty girl from the navigation team named Alexis. They talk, and decide to go get some drinks from the tables.

    There’s beer, wine, water, maple syrup, soda, punch, jello shots, etc. You know, all the good stuff. It’s too bad that most of the drinks have a long line waiting to get them, though.

    “There’s lines for the wine, beer, *and* the jello shots!” Alexis pouts, starting to walk away, back towards the other people.

    “Hey!” Dave says, making her turn around, “At least there’s no punch line!”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Once upon a time two nerds went for their Open Water course. Their instructor a fellow named Jack took them for the check out dives. When the skills were over and the the two fellows came out they realized that Jack, the instructor was missing. They went down again looking for Jack but could not find him. Finally an inquiry was launched and coast guards officer began to question them about what happened.

    “Can you describe your instructor?” The investigating officer asked.

    “Jack was wearing a black mask.” One of them responded.

    “Can you be more specific? Scuba masks tend to be black most of the time.” The investigating officer said.

    They thought for a while and then the second student said “He wore a black wetsuit!”

    The investigating officer said, “On any dive boat a black wetsuit is the most common one. Can you be more specific? Did Jack have blonde hair? Was he green eyed? You guys have to tell me something unique about him that does not apply to everyday Joe on a dive boat.”

    Now both the students thought for a very long time and then one of them said, “Jack was gifted with a very unique feature that no one in the world has. He was a man who had two ass-holes!”

    The investigating officer was extremely intrigued. “Two ass holes!!! Are you guys serious?”

    Both of them nodded.

    Investigating officer asked “How can you guys be so sure of something so personal?”

    “It was a very well known thing in the diving community.” One of the students replied. “Everyone in the diving circles knew that Jack was gifted with two ass holes instead of one.”

    “But how did you know?” Investigating officer asked.

    The student said, “Wherever he took the two of us to meet other divers, people would always say “Here comes Jack with two ass-holes.”

    Liked by 1 person

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