OPEN THREAD 20200320

Basically, all legal free speech is allowed. We will assist the authorities in dealing with illegal speech. You are each other’s moderators. Have fun. And don’t forget to MAGA at nuclear levels.

After going through the elements, we now enjoy a sequence of RANDOM somewhat pseudo-random topics that will be thrown out for investigation and commentary on each open thread. At some point, in a way something like composite numbers, I will accidentally hit a second occurrence of one of them – that’s just normal.

Have fun!

Citizen U

(a.k.a. W on the OTHER site)

Day 135 – history of the bagel

13 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200320

  1. Genesis 1:20 —

    “And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.”

    Not recorded —

    “And God said, We now have lox, let Us have bagels and call it a day.”

    Genesis 1:23 —

    “And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The first known mention of the bagel, in 1610, was in Jewish community ordinances in Kraków, Poland — which stated that the food was given as a gift to women in childbirth. It may be presumed that the size of the hole in the bagel got larger as delivery became more imminent.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A double-header:

    After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.

    Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 bagels and I asked for one, how many would you have left?”

    Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 bagels.”


    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of bagels. The nun posted a sign on the bagel tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”

    Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the bagels.”

    Liked by 4 people

  4. An alien is flying over the earth in his spaceship when it suddenly starts to lose control and crashes on Earth. The alien survives the crash with minimal injuries and gets to work repairing his ship. After a few days of work he completes everything only to find the gormack has been damaged and he has no spares. He decides to head toward a nearby human town he saw while crashing towards the earth. After a short walk, he stumbles into the first building he sees and walks over to the man at the counter.

    Alien: “Greetings earthling, I come in search of a gormack for my spaceship. Do you have one?”

    Bartender: “Well what do they look like?”

    Alien: “They are round with a little hole in them.”

    Bartender: “Oh yeah we have those. Except here we call them bagels. And we eat them.”

    Alien: “You eat gormacks? Earthling are quite odd.”

    Bartender: “Try it before you knock em. Here.”

    The bartender hands the alien a bagel and the alien cautiously takes the bagel and takes a quick bite.

    Bartender: “So?”

    The alien thinks for a moment and then says, “You know with a little cream cheese, this wouldn’t be half bad.”

    Liked by 3 people

  5. An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says “I’m going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?”

    His wife says “I’d like an ice cream sundae. Here, I’ll write it down for you so you don’t forget–”

    “I’m not going to forget,” he waves his hand at her dismissively. “Ice cream sundae.”

    “With cherries and chopped nuts. You’ll forget, I’m going to write it down for you.”

    “Woman I’m not senile! I won’t forget! Sundae with cherries and nuts.”

    “And whipped cream. You’re sure you won’t forget all this? You forgot the last time. Please, I’ll write it down so you won’t forget.”

    The old man gave an annoyed sigh and left the house. He returned and handed his wife a bag.

    “Here you go, I didn’t forget.”

    She looked inside the bag and found a toasted onion bagel.

    “Yes you did! I told you you would forget, and you did!” The old woman threw a fit. “You forgot the cream cheese!”

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Bonus:

    The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting….

    The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he’s in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims, “I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don’t have bagels like this in Germany.”

    “Well,” the intern replies, “whose fault is that?”

    Liked by 3 people

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