OPEN THREAD 20200307

Basically, all legal free speech is allowed. We will assist the authorities in dealing with illegal speech. You are each other’s moderators. Have fun. And don’t forget to MAGA at nuclear levels.

After going through the elements, we now enjoy a sequence of RANDOM somewhat pseudo-random topics that will be thrown out for investigation and commentary on each open thread. At some point, in a way something like composite numbers, I will accidentally hit a second occurrence of one of them – that’s just normal.

Have fun!

Citizen U

(a.k.a. W on the OTHER site)

Day 122 – the Q-Tip

15 thoughts on “OPEN THREAD 20200307

  1. Going with the cotton swabs — “Q-tips” is a brand owned by Unilever. They are trying to hoover-up the problems caused when your brand name becomes common usage. I’m sure that they cry into their kleenex after long days of xeroxing court documents.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Q-tips were invented by a naturalized American from Poland named Leo Gerstenzang, in 1923. He observed his wife rolling-up cotton and impaling it on a toothpick to clean hard-to-reach niche areas. This is unimaginably dangerous for anyone familiar with the ubiquitous swabs we have today — the cotton might fall off in a place its recovery might be difficult, or the end of the toothpick could protrude and create mayhem.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Everybody — and I can say this again — EVERYBODY — recommends against using qtips to clean earwax out of ears. Most especially, Unilever’s product liability attorneys practically scream it from morning to night as long as they are on the clock (Federal holidays exempted). Nevertheless, the most common use of qtips is clearing earwax out of ears.

    Incidentally, I have an ex-boss who got SCUBA certified and immediately had to give up the sport. Your eardrums are supposed to register sound by detecting small, rapid changes of pressure. In order to do this, it has to get rid of large, slow changes of pressure, which it does by leaking air into/out-of the back part of your ear through the eustachian tube — which leads to the back part of your nasal cavity above your throat. The tube is only about an inch-and a half long.

    With most people, if there is some blockage in this tube, they will become distinctly uncomfortable when diving — whereupon they can back up, squich their jaw back and forth, or attempt a “valsalva maneuver” — which can open the tube back up. Once it is open, the discomfort immediately resolves and the dive can continue.

    My ex-boss, however, had no pain/discomfort sensors for pressure in his inner ear. He’d cautiously and carefully descend…..until his eardrum ruptured, flooding his inner-ear with cold seawater and causing massive vertigo and pain. There’s no real medical way of dealing with this, but over a number of weeks it will generally heal itself. He did this twice before he decided that diving was not for him.

    So, yes, trying to use cotton fluff on a toothpick can rupture your eardrum and make you unfit for SCUBA for several weeks.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Well, that’s four posts on general nonsense……let’s try to be transgressive, since we’re here.

    ***

    The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

    “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

    “Well, tell me!” the man said.

    The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

    Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: “Give me the bad news first.”

    So the policeman said: “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”

    “Oh my god!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: “What’s the good news?”

    “Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her.”

    “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr. Wilkens demanded.

    The policeman said: “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

    Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.” A large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted” Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

    Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

    (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse) [This was in the source.]

    Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn’t see his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked. “He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

    He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.” Christian replied, “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

    Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”……… (You’re going to love this…)[sic]

    “I’ve found Cod. I’m a Prawn again Christian”.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This one is not part of the official content because it won’t make sense to non-divers.

    ***

    Three instructors from PADI, NAUI and SSI are with their students on a boat going to do a deep ocean dive. The boat starts to take on water and starts to sink. The PADI instructor tells his student set his compass to point for to shore and prepare for a long dive, The NAUI instructor tells his student to grab an additional tank for a long dive back to shore and the SSI instructor tells his student, if you give me an extra $100.00 we can knock out your wreck cert.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. It even learned to dig for clams.

    One day, a man went to Juan’s house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.

    ‘Sure,’ his wife said. ‘It will cost you $500.’

    ‘That much?’

    ‘But you’re getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town.’

    ‘I just want Juan. I’ll hire him alone for $350,’ the man countered.

    ‘Sorry,’ she shrugged. ‘You can’t have Juan without the otter.’

    Liked by 2 people

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